mscottault – M Scott Ault..

September 27, 2023September 27, 2023

Sculptures

I started working with soapstone in the early 90’s and quickly grew to appreciate the near- meditational aspect of taking a rough piece of natural rock and turning it in to a smoothed out expression of personal ideals and ideas. While these are, primarily, early expressions and don’t show my more recent works, that is mostly due to my own inability to properly document and catalog my own work.. which stems from abuse and feelings of inadequacy caused by abuse.

The exhibited works are, either, in private collections or have suffered at the hands of clumsy movers during any of the many times I have relocated from one to another community.

September 27, 2023September 27, 2023

Paintings

I started experimenting with oils in the late 80’s and have sporadically carried through to more recent years. Initially, I was purchasing what ever canvass I could find and what ever quality of oils I could find.. mostly in Banff and I’d sit in the living room painting while my room mates were watching one or another TV show.

After moving to Vancouver, I started working in the commercial painting world and learned a few nifty tricks there from. Of particular interest is the use of “Penetrol” and how it allows the oil paint to thin down, become less viscous, and “lay flat” instead of leaving heavy brush lines. I guess you could say that this technique is part of my main process. I have a number of canvass’ that are prepped and now that the Darkroom is more of an art space I’ll be picking up where I left off.

There are, also, ideas that will be re- interpreted.. the following is initial forrays in to oils on canvass that are, most likely, dated up to about 1997. I’ll be shooting documenting and exhibiting newer material in the very near future.

September 27, 2023

Hangin’ Around

The original sketch of “Hangin’ Around” was scrawled way back in 1989.. well before I had “had enough” of standard Western Cutlure living and dropped out of “it all.” The meaning and importance of this sketch was nevr clear to me until the last few months..

After more than 12 months of walking through the muck and mire of child abuse.. the meaning of this one sketch (re- sketched, below) hit me hard and fully.. like someone swinging a board and hitting me square in the chest…

This is ME.. just barely hanging on!
I was a student at Carleton University.. I thought that I was SUPPOSED to go through university.. I thought that it was my goal and my dream.. but I was wrong. I was blackmailed and brainwashed and then I was IMPOVERISHED by my parent… and at the time the original sketch was done- I had no money, I wasn’t allowed to get a student loan (because PARENT wouldn’t fill out the required paperwork.. she actively thwaarted my hopes and chances of getting a student loan.. the ONE thing I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I needed in order to be even somewhat successful at University..).

I was, literally.. hanging on by just a thread!
Just looking at this sketch.. the original was thrown out by PARENT who had been charged with the responsibility of keeping a few small boxes and one steamer trunk safe for later collection.. my heart aches as even this rendition of the past ideas and motives is heart wrenching.

The sketch started out inspired by a fire, to be honest.
I was walking down Bank St. in Ottawa heading from the downtown core to Landsdown Park, near where I lived at the time, and there was a building that had burned down.. very recently. I think it was still smoking sort of. There were piles of aged and damaged red bricks strewn about like detritus.. and I hurriedly went back to my residence and picked up my duffel bag to start hauling bricks back.. I made two or three trips and then sat down with a cup of late night coffee and proceeded to scrawl out the original sketch.

I’ll admit- the original was just a human arm holding on for dear life.. and the new version is to be a combination of hand hewn and finished soapstone pieces within a framework of rough, rusting, and welded metal.. metal that was collected this past summer while doing markets with The General Bean.. we were in Inglewood and there was railway detritus “just within reach” of our parked car and some of those pieces, if cut right, resemble the curved fingers that might just barely hold a person from falling to the void.

Might hold ME from falling in to the void.

I can’t explain enough how, at the time of original sketching, I was encapsulaed.. envelopped within a perpetual state of fear for the future.. for my future. I had no idea where my next meal would come from nor if I was ever going to reach goal attainment. And I want to leverage MY ARTOWRK to publicly call- out abusers and help put an end to the generational cycle that is child abuse.. to put an end to something that has caused me nothing but pain and indecision for my entire life.

July 14, 2023

Generational

My abuser decided, recently, that she *needed* a visit with my daughter.

Leading up to this visit, obvie.. I self- medicated at an increasing volume.

I also tried to “pen out” her abuse and explain it in a literal, literary manner so that I could better wrap my head around her abuses and the time lines.

Day came to pass when I couldn’t bear it any longer.. she came to pick up my daughter and wife and I asked them to “hang back a bit” while I go talk to her.

It was a confrontation and it left me weak and exhausted.. and I posted about it on social media. The responses, there to, were predominantly supportive but one sticks out in my head- that many abusers were, themselves, abused.. it can be a “generational” curse, to use a vivid term. That person, also, went on to say that it’s my job to forgive and forget.. and make sure I don’t repeat the patterns.

I think otherwise.
I do NOT think it is my job to “forgive and forget” but, rather.. it is my job to RELATE and PROTECT… relate to the abuse and develop a relationship with that scared, bullied, and abused CHILD that still resides within me and PROTECT my child from any potential abuses.

Furthermore- I feel it is INCUMBENT on me to HERALD the abuse.. to speak of the abuse.. to clearly spotlight the abuse such that any other abusive tendencies that exist are quashed.

Think about it like this: if you are an ONLY child and your parent abuses you.. and you WAKE THE F**K UP to it.. then you will most likely not project on to your child/ren BUT many (if not *most*) families consist of more than one child.. thus- if YOU were abused there is a chance that your siblings were abused as well. Unless there are other underlying issues at hand (but that goes against generational theories).

So- not only have I RECOGNIZED and started to RELATE but years ago I took steps to ensure PROTECTION of my offspring against potential abuses.

Now, I feel it is my JOB to use the legal system as megaphone and ensure that my abuser is brought to justice and that all others in her circle are educated as to her abusive practices such that NO OTHER child is abused by her… ever again. In this manner, I am hoping that *if* abuse has taken place at the hands of any of my siblings.. it can be dealt with NOW as opposed to when the child is far older as I am.

May 31, 2023May 31, 2023

Intro to Zeuphie

The Zeuphor was originally composed during the fall, late fall, and spring of 1990- 91.. I had escaped from The Bubbledome and was exploring the world around me and the person that I had to live with for the rest of my life.. the person I thought I had known my entire life up to that point.

The process
The pages, about 300 of them, will be scanned individually and “blown up” or enlarged on a second monitor allowing me to transcribe the chickenscratch writings succinctly and easily.
~To be explanatory: I had it in my mind that I wanted to cram as many words on to a single page as possible so I used as Fine a nibbed pen as possible~ sadly, mostly in RED ink.. making it even harder to read~ and my hand would cramp up after a few hours of writing so small. It wasn’t until I was in Sedona, Arizona, and met with a wonderful cafe owner who gave me a hand writing analysis (and a whole bunch of free pre- ground java to make Cowboy Coffee with) that I learned the tighter the scrawl the narrower the mind.. so~ after that, I opened up my writing and divested myself of the desire to cram ALL the words in to one volume.

The Title:
The Zeuphor, as dictated to M. Scott Ault by Zeupheldt- Moses
~The title is.. probably confusing. I am Zeupheldt- Moses.. I am M. Scott Ault.. but we are not the same person. I used to use Zeuphie as my nom- de- plum.. and it works. It’s fun. It is a single name.. not a first- last combination.. hmm.. maybe I’ll name my boat after my own name… the name of my soul.

May 31, 2023

Prologue

mscottault · Tdol Prologue Hollywierdland

May 31, 2023May 31, 2023

Introduction

I’ve always had the desire to create an unique listener experience.. The Death of Love isn’t a normal novel so why do it normally?

Initial recordings were done quickly… on the “Spur of the moment” style.. it was spring.. I was suffering from heavy duty allergies due to Black Mold in the apartment that would, later, force my pregnant wife and I to move out.. which precipitated the slow downward decline of moving to Kelowna and then…. on.

These recordings, the initial pieces that will be re- recorded this year in a manner that is replicable, were done at a time when I had laryngittis.. mostly. Some of the readings are clear and clean but some are done when I was unable to speak without a ruffled duster sound.

The entire volume will be re- recorded according to my original sonic vision after I finish learning some very necessary steps, tips, and tricks to using Logic, Garage Band, and Samplers (SWOON!!! I’ve got a Korg Volca Sample AND a Teenage Engineering Pocket Operator.. it’s gonna be so much fun!!!!)

AND VIDEOS… I’ll be making VIDEOS of annecdotes, inspirations, and what ever I want.. sometimes using spoken word as background.. sometimes not.

May 31, 2023

Introduction

This shall stand as the introduction to A Spoken Four Weeks.

The spoken recordings will consist of two chanel vocals and a mixture of acoustic and/ or electric instruments along with App Based/ Tablet Based musical accompaniment.

The be clear- the vocals are dual chanelled so as to allow one chanel to be thoroughly “Processed” in a style similar to Al Jourgensen of Ministry fame. I have two (2) vocal phasers along with a looper and a Vocoder (or two really) that will be modifying that vocal track. Recorded in concert, a non- modified audio channel will be facilitated by using a seperate and second microphone.. hence, two chanels.

It’ll be interesting.. samples shall be showing up shortly.. I do have some “learning” to do first.. my audio experience has always been ” do it now.. or never” and as such I haven’t had a lot of time available to learn new tips and tricks with the DAW environment(s) I use (Garage band and Logic Pro).. but, I also haven’t developed continuity.. so, the things I do learn during one session generally aren’t carried over to the next.

It is my interest and intent to produce more than just this one book of poetry as spoken word.. thus, I see continuity as a key element on this projects progress.. you’ll see posts, here, as I grow through the learning and on to recording…

May 17, 2023

Logic X

Today I learned…

The Self in Edmonton prepping to head back out on the road for personal and psychological explorations.

How to open a BLANK file in Logic!

To some that might sound like a normal thing or not that big of a deal but for me.. each time I’ve started to record something~ because I have no idea except my fumbling explorations of Logic and Garage Band~ I’ve had to search for a previous version or previous recording that did things the way I wanted them to.

Little things like the microphones piping through to the DAW app properly.. irregardless of sound values or qualities. It was very difficult for me to get my Mandolin (the acoustic one) mic’d properly in the old South Granville space.. and it was always tinny and plucky.. not the smooth sounds I’m used to in albums.. mostly because I would only have a certain amount of time within which to do my recordings.. so I had to just plug it all in and GO!

Now, I can open a blank document in Logic and tell it what I want.

Thanks to UDEMY… I’m taking a course that will~ by the end of it~ have me mastering tracks like a pro.. well, almost. I’ll be able to record the raw files (mixing and mastering are two totally different games… scary).