My abuser decided, recently, that she *needed* a visit with my daughter.
Leading up to this visit, obvie.. I self- medicated at an increasing volume.
I also tried to “pen out” her abuse and explain it in a literal, literary manner so that I could better wrap my head around her abuses and the time lines.
Day came to pass when I couldn’t bear it any longer.. she came to pick up my daughter and wife and I asked them to “hang back a bit” while I go talk to her.
It was a confrontation and it left me weak and exhausted.. and I posted about it on social media. The responses, there to, were predominantly supportive but one sticks out in my head- that many abusers were, themselves, abused.. it can be a “generational” curse, to use a vivid term. That person, also, went on to say that it’s my job to forgive and forget.. and make sure I don’t repeat the patterns.
I think otherwise.
I do NOT think it is my job to “forgive and forget” but, rather.. it is my job to RELATE and PROTECT… relate to the abuse and develop a relationship with that scared, bullied, and abused CHILD that still resides within me and PROTECT my child from any potential abuses.
Furthermore- I feel it is INCUMBENT on me to HERALD the abuse.. to speak of the abuse.. to clearly spotlight the abuse such that any other abusive tendencies that exist are quashed.
Think about it like this: if you are an ONLY child and your parent abuses you.. and you WAKE THE F**K UP to it.. then you will most likely not project on to your child/ren BUT many (if not *most*) families consist of more than one child.. thus- if YOU were abused there is a chance that your siblings were abused as well. Unless there are other underlying issues at hand (but that goes against generational theories).
So- not only have I RECOGNIZED and started to RELATE but years ago I took steps to ensure PROTECTION of my offspring against potential abuses.
Now, I feel it is my JOB to use the legal system as megaphone and ensure that my abuser is brought to justice and that all others in her circle are educated as to her abusive practices such that NO OTHER child is abused by her… ever again. In this manner, I am hoping that *if* abuse has taken place at the hands of any of my siblings.. it can be dealt with NOW as opposed to when the child is far older as I am.